Monday, October 11, 2004

Essential additions for the workplace vocabulary

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline wasmissed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success andadvancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstreamonly to get screwed and die in the end

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cubefarm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppiesturn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out andwhiney.

SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one'sworkplace.

IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of anelectronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are oftenprofoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

(AMEN)404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.

GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls,subdivisions...

OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize thatyou've just made a BIG mistake.

WOOFYS: Well Off Older Folks.

Monday, October 04, 2004

Delegates amble to laziness conference!

Laziness - an elixir of long life in a world of deadlines?

The pressures and rhythms of modern life often prompt people to seek new ways of unwinding - a course of yoga, a massage or a long stroll.

In Italy, though, a group of people are this weekend proposing a different approach to the problem. Their answer - simply do nothing.

The first National Convention of the Idle is taking place in a village near the Swiss border.

Organisers say they hope the whole concept of idleness can be re-evaluated.

According to one of the organisers, comic actor and writer Gianni Fantoni, idleness is not a vice but a sign of intelligence, as idle people find smart ways of getting the same results with less effort. He says it is also an elixir of long life in a world of deadlines.

Compulsory siesta

Italy's lazybones will gather, if they can be bothered, in the mountain village of Champoluc, where they can comfortably arrive by cable car.

The event will include an exhibition of idleness through the ages, and a display of objects that reduce effort to a minimum - a dinner suit with shoes and socks incorporated, a rubbish bin with a chute attached, a mould to make snowballs without freezing your fingers and, almost a symbol of the movement, a hammock.

Participants have been promised that the seminar on idleness will last less than half an hour, a long siesta is obligatory and they will receive tips on perfecting laziness.
The organisers will also present a series of 10 commandments on how to avoid effort. These include letting others always make the first move, remembering that exercise is for other people, and never, ever volunteering for anything.

Friday, October 01, 2004

The time to relax is when you don't have time for it!


Dedicated to all of u when u work on the computer.

There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one works." -Anon.

"Real programmers don't work from 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9am it's because they were up all night." -Anon.

"Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand." -Anon

"A program is a spell cast over a computer, turning input into error messages." -Anon.

"Why doesn't DOS ever say 'EXCELLENT command or filename!'" -Anon.

"WARNING: Keyboard Not Attached. Press F10 to Continue." -Anon.

"Smash forehead on keyboard to continue." -Anon.

"Scandisk is now checking your hard disk. You can start praying."

"Hit any user to continue." -Anon.

"Error reading FAT record. Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)" -Anon.

"Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue..." -Anon.

"Bad Command or File Name. Good try, though." -Anon.

"Want to make your computer go really fast? Throw it out a window."

"If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing." -Anon.

"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal ideas from many is research." -Anon.

Unix is a simple Operating System.It needs a genius to understand the simplicity. --Brian W.Kernighan

well, i am a firm believer in the first 4 points!!!

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?